Untoasted
The uncooked Peanut Butter Pop Tart,
while tasty, isn't very peanut buttery at all. With sugar on top and
a very thin layer of peanut butter that is overwhelmed by the pastry
portion, it tastes more like a graham cracker than anything else.
Peanut butter fans might be disappointed, but it's a suitable
breakfast treat on the go for those who prefer a more savory tart than Pop
Tart's sweeter fruit flavors.
Toasted
Now this is more like it! Toasting
Peanut Butter Pop Tarts really brings out the peanut butter flavor.
And they smell delicious while you cook them! You're likely to get
more hungry as the scent comes wafting from your toaster and be
tempted to put in a couple more. Just be careful! As you can see
from the picture, Peanut Butter Pop Tarts burn easily.
Toasted, topped with peanut butter
The smell of those cooking Peanut
Butter Pop Tarts made me want some more of the good stuff. And holy
shit, were Peanut Butter Pop Tarts even better with more peanut butter on top! I reduced the setting on my toaster; tried to
make the experience more perfect, more whole. But as you can see,
Peanut Butter Pop Tarts like to collapse under the weight of their
own ooey-gooey goodness. My smoke detector's going batshit! Call
the landlord! Call an ambulance! Call the grocer! Let's get some
more friends in on the action, shall we?
Peanut butter-covered toasted Peanut Butter Pop Tart smoothie
Are you some sad sack businessman who
would just as soon hang by his own belt as go into the office and
talk about the local baseball team with those dead-eyed fucks he
calls co-workers for one more day? Well then friend, I'm reviewing
your cure! Much like the restaurant where you take your clients and
order a steak not to impress them with your wealth, but so the
fantasy you have about jumping over the table and slitting their
throats and doing the world a lick of good for a change is that much
closer to sweet, terrible fruition, the Peanut Butter Pop Tarts box
features a secret menu! Oh, they'll try to tell you that the only
way to fly is cooked or uncooked. But discerning peanut butter
lovers know better. Cook it, put some peanut butter on it, throw that shit
in a blender with some milk, and get ready to get your fucking $40
socks knocked off. You've never felt so alive! At least that you
can remember. The peanut butter-covered toasted Peanut Butter Pop Tart
smoothie was missing something though. I used all-natural peanut
butter, and it's the processed shit that'll really get your noodle
going.
Peanut butter-covered toasted Peanut Butter Pop Tart and Reese's Puffs Cereal smoothie topped with Reese's Puffs Cereal
There's no doubt about it folks, the
only thing better than enjoying a peanut butter-covered toasted
Peanut Butter Pop Tart and Reese's Puffs Cereal smoothie topped with
Reese's Puffs Cereal is enjoying a peanut butter-covered toasted Peanut
Butter Pop Tart and Reese's Puffs Cereal smoothie topped with Reese's
Puffs Cereal from a mouth bag while playing the knife game. BONUS
POINTS: have another one after you've vomited out all your stomach
acid, and it'll start to taste the same coming back up!
Peanut butter-covered toasted Peanut Butter Pop
Tart and Reese's Puffs Cereal smoothie topped with Reese's Puffs
Cereal cookie peanut butter sandwich topped with peanut butter and
Reese's Puffs Cereal
In the interest of full disclosure, I
must admit that I find footage of animals eating other animals
sexually arousing.
Ladies and gentlefarts, this is the end
of the fucking line for me. I have experienced all that it is to be
human. To want, and to have want fulfilled. To live. To die. I
only live, really, as this abomination passes through my digestive
tract. I went through a near fatal shock when I got a bit too
excited trying to fish the cookie batter out of the blender and cut
the tip of my finger off. It's ok though. I burnt it badly picking pieces of Peanut Butter Pop Tart out of the toaster with my bare
hands. That finger, at least, probably would have had to have been
amputated anyway. But I digress.
A-
